Maynard

I really miss Ron an awful lot still from time to time. The good times were really good. In hindsight I can forget the pained annoyance, how bitter he could be to me and how much I would hurt him for no good reason. I hope my insanity doesn't poison all my relationships. I hope his insanity doesn't poison all of his. I sure d(o)id love him.

I just had the most awesome dream. I woke from my nap to find that I had two identical copies of my laptop, and I went into the living room to show philip, who was fixing a tear in the couch, and ming, who was cooking in the kitchen. I couldn't think of how I could get two copies of my laptop, except some sort of time paradox. At first they didn't think it was that interesting that I had two of them, but then I said "No dude, Time Paradox" we then pored over the laptops looking for dissimilarity and being unable to find any discussed how I shouldn't sleep in my room any more for fear of falling through the same hole in time that had brought me my laptop. I briefly considered selling one of them,but decided against it because I didn't know if it would eventually go back from whence it came, potentially leavening me without a laptop.

I could have made a friend today. It's the second time I've seen my Blue Bottle barista twice on a wednessday, once ordering my coffe, and then again on my way home. this time he was going into the convience store on my corner and looked ginuinly pleased to see me and said Hi. I'm exhausted though and didn't stop to say anythign other than "hey!", I guess I have another chance next wednessday. He and I must live like a block from eachother.

I do things to hurt myself on purpose

I have made a new userpic. May it usher in a new era of freedom and prosparity.

a cool essay Philip found

http://www.commondreams.org/views04/0312-08.htm

http://codetoad.livejournal.com/250669.html

It's true we've worked a miracle.

I read an artical in the new yorker the other day in my therapist's office about a disorder called Leynach-nehan sysndrome, Totaly misspelled, which is this hard core genetic mutation of an enzime that breaks down leftoever nucliotides so they can be recycled into dna, but apparently when this breaks it causes a variety of fucking awesome and creepy symptoms. The most plesent thing that it does is give you severe gout, cause the left over nucliotides when untreeted turn into uraic acid and crystalise in your blood, the urea crystals also make you piss bloody razor sharp sand, which in itself is very metal. But by far the most metal and awesome thing that happens is... you know how sometimes you'll be holding a knife, and you get a fleating flash of sliting your own throat infront of your dinner guests, or you'll be working on a test in class and you just want to stab your pen into your eye? well apparently everybody gets those desires, and people with this disease can't controll them at all, so they rutinely chew their own lips off and bite off bits of their fingers, stab their eyes and gouge off their noses and what not, a common cause of death among these people (who spend much of their lives restrained from more direct forms of suicide) is to snap your neck backwars with such force that it breaks killing you instnatly. How awesome is that? the kicker is that unlike people who do shit like this while high on pcp or something linach-nehan sufferors are of normal intelegence, and feel pain and fear just like everybody else, so while they're ripping out their own eyes with their bear hands they beg for help and scream in pain, Death rock.

http://www.archives.gov/national-archives-experience/charters/declaration_transcript.html

issue one:danae is an intolerable shrew. I think that she thinks the way to win me over is to hover over me and snipe at me with her constant insessant wineing about every trivial complaint she has, she'll follow me around a room and throw constnat talking points at me about how every aspect of her life is stupid and everyone isn't good enough for her. Mike was kind enough to give us a ride home last night and she sat in the pasenger seat turned to the back of the car at me and droaned on about how she hated dan's gilfriend as much as I hate her, now I'm not shure what her desired effect with this was, but if it was to make me hate her more then she acheaved it. If she or mike reads this, some quiet reflection on her part and thoughtfull measured sicelence would go a long way twards me not wanting to ring her neck when we're in the same room, cause the hovering in my face and wineing rout is having the oposit effect.

Item two:god damn I'm sick of straight people. I want them all to die, asap. I'm so fucking sick of all the straight people and their hostle little priviliged society. all their struting around and feeling entitled makes me sick. Ron's new coworkers are homofobic pigbags and have been making the workplace homophobic and threatening so he's quiting, and phil's boss banters around homophobic remarks but phil can't do anythign about it becaus he's a lilly-assed concilitory passive biggot himself. let it be rememberd that danae is straight, but this one also goes out to the rest of you, philip mike john terry dan robbert matt jesus... the list goes on and on, if you could all just quit it and start having homosexual sex so that I can respect you, that would be awesome.

third: I installed ubutu on my laptop, and I can't understand how the wireless protocall is operated. I'm conncted quite well to an unsicured network called "ethl" but this isn't my home network, and when I'm loged in under windows I see not such network. furthermore I can't find anything in ubutu that lets me chose a network to connect to. It's vodo

Fourth: ming's brother is in town and staying with us for a month again. I wish he wasn't cause he's been here somthing like five months this year and I need him to not be our fifth roomate. I'm not saying that I want anything to change about his beign here,I'm okay with it, but this entry is aobut bitching, and it makes the list

KOS-MOS is a foxy android bitch who will fuck you up. Do not fuck with KOS-MOS even if you're T-elos and you think you're all that.

I Feel very isolated and depressed. I've drifted appart from just about everybody I know and I exsist in a kindof vacumb in san francisco. Though I don't live too far from all the people who used to make my social network lively I never see any of them. this is due in no small part I'm sure to my tendancy to become depressed and isolate myself, as well as my caustic and confrentational personality. I can't help but think that my friends don't like me, but it's entierly posable that I've given the impression that I don't like them.
A case in point would be robbert's birthday party not a month ago which I had planed to go to but ended up coinsideing with my decideing to lock myself in my backroom for three days and not answer my phone. I still haven't managed to call anybody involved with the festivities to say I was sorry I didn't come, and that it had nothing to do with them, because I'm sure that they hate me for it, so I deepen the resentment by avoiding contact becasue of immagened conflict.

Another case, I got in an argument with nick before he left for london because I really resent his choseing to become an investment banker for meriad reasons. I also felt like he was being a condecending asshole, but I should expect that of nick, and be more forgiveing especialy because I was being an condecending asshole as well. but because of a silly drunken argument that I couldn't manage to patch up in the intervienign time I missed his going away party and haven't talked to him sense and now he's in london and I don't entierly know how I would ever talk to him even if I wanted to. The really fucked up part is that I'm still angry at him, so even though I don't want to ruin my friendship with him over this stupid shit, I can't bring myself to say I'm sorry, cause I'm not.

I turned 25 today (well yesterday cause it's 2:30) and maybe it's me having spent the weekend with my parents (a sure-fire way to spiral me into a depression and end with me locking myself in my room for days) but I feel really old and useless. I haven't had a job in years and I have no intention of getting one, I still drag my feet through school wandering down a path to not geting a bachelors degree dispite the last 5 or so years of effort (highschool II Education's Revenge, "this time it's personal") and it seems like everybody I know (even the people a couple years younger than me) are seteling into a life of their own

In closeing, if anybody who knows me still reads things like this, I don't really hate you, and if you hate me because you thought I hated you and or was an asshole to you I'm very sorry for any wrongdoing on my part I appricate that I'm a prick who's hard to be close to and I don't blame you.

Enraged ranting aside, lately I've been thinking alot about what I've come to call "The Eli Combs Megadome" which in short is a geodesic dome with a radius of 100km for the purposes of climbing said megadome into space. (100km being an arbitrary decition for the boundry between earth and space, which is accualy very esoteric and hard to really define, but 100km will sufice) See, I'm sick of waiting for the space elivator, it would be awesome and all, and certianly a more eligant device certialy less of a grandious engenering project, but it's a compleatly unproven technology that analasis I've read says is at least 15years away. If I've learned anything about technology that's 15 years away from the fule cell or fusion power plants it's that it's likely somthing more like 75 years away. so, why not build a device capable of carrying us into space under conventional power out of exsistant technology? It has come to my attention that we've been able to build compleatly scaleable domes sense the 1920's or so when buckmenster brought it all to our attention that there was no reason we couldn't use his domes to build fantisiful things like islands, or cities that fly (because the domes internal area grows expenentuly compared to the weight of its components an enclosed geodesic sphere with a radius of more than 1/2 mile would float like a baloon in the atmasphere if you heated up the inside only 1 degree ferenhiehgt) I am frankly disgusted with my parents and grandparents for lacking the will to build a gigantic dome that you could use to ride a train into space (if you're reading this china you could totaly outstrip the american and russian space programs if you built somthing like this, why fuck around with trying to catch up to our silly rocketry when we've been neglecting much better ways to get into space for generations?)

But Eli, you may ask, why do we have such an urgent need to get into space? I have two words for all you naysayers INTRA-GALACTIC COMPOTITION it's entierly posable that the galaxy is just teaming with Klingons and Skarens do you really want them to catch us with our pants down like we are now, nigh unable to leave the bounds or our gravity well with more than a suitcase full of scientific insterments? the answer is undoubtably no, so it being assumed that we are not GOD the father's only creation I'd like to pose a two part question to anybody who still reads this long dead blog.
1) Do you think that the fellows in the white coats are right and we can't really travel faster than light, and we'll never find a way around that?
and
2) how are we doing in the galactic technology race? (things to consider) the earth's whole dinosoar phase demonstrates to us that we could be as much as 65million years behind, but also shows us that even life bareing planets can rest in stable uningelegent systems for millions of years. also, the conditions of life, at least as we know it, are rareified and fragile had the solar system made a few wrong turns earth could have ended up not at all the plesent place to be on it is today we may be painfully alone out here in the milky way.

you fucking son's of bitches. I'm so sick of all your useless unappealing shit. If I have to undergo any more of this I swear to god I will fucking go on a killing spree. I'll just flip out and stalk my way through your homes schools and offices killing with impunity and then I'll shoot myself, because nothing can quiet the screaming hatred that you have drilled into my head with your unbareable SHIT. Now I'm going to go smash my hands with a hammer so that I can't comunicate through this fucking medium.

http://www.youtube.com/v/x20v9F-sWHQ

I usualy shy away from posting quiz results, but this one came up with an earily accurate result. and seeing as I never post anyway it's not like I'm flooding your friends page or somthing so...

I'm a Trendy City Faggot! I am better than you. My clothing is better, I am more sophisticated, I smell better, taste better, look better, and feel better. What’s more, I snigger into my macchiato at other faggot stereotypes, because they are all so tragically simple. God why can’t I get laid?

What kind of Faggot are you?
Brought to you by Pushing Through</a>

I'm suporting it as a pride statement, you can find your own reasons, sugestions include, support of bike rideing and phil's being the shit

http://www.jonessoda.com/gallery/view.php?ID=393166&offset=101

Is anybody really having fun? I don't think I am, or if I am I think it's likely that what fun I get to have makes the people who operate the ride angry, and they yell at me to pay more attention to the ride. It's daunting and it makes me miserable. I'm the least immportant thing in my life.

I think we ought to get the millinog signatures together to show that we support public good and not imperialit wars and tax cuts to the wealthy. even if it's not the first issue I would have chosen to comment on it's a good one that has universal support among the sane. so I urge everybody who might read this and may be american to sign this petition to pass a bill to suport child health care in america it's the gold button in the upper right hand corner of www.johnkerry.com